Girls who think theyre pornstars and fake orgasms

You guys out there who get around know what I'm talking about. That one bitch who screams and acts as if you're Lexington fucking Steele. Which is great ego booster I guess, but when she gets so loud you can't concentrate on your dick it becomes a problem.

Lets get one thing straight: I'm a girl and I like cock, not vagina. So how do I know about this? Well I get the honor of listening to the asshole that lives above me fucking his nasty little fat chola girlfriend (who's 23 and a dealer). I normally wouldn't care, I'm not like most girls, I want you to get laid and I'm happy when you do.

But gentlemen, I do not want to here your whore scream. I dont care who the fuck you are NO ONE is that good. Sorry guys =( Especially when she looks like a phillipino oompa loompa. Preserve my mental sanity please.

Here's what I go to sleep to every night and wake up to every morning:

*thump thump thump*

"OOOOOHHHH YESSSS!"

*creak creak creak*

"OH FUCK MY PUSSY HARDER YOU BAD BOY OH YES"

this continues for approximately 10 minutes (2 minute fucks and then he goes down on her.. yeah this guy is a tiny dicked stud hahahahha)

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

um what the fuck? what.the.fuck? I enjoy a little dirty talk in bed as much as the next person. But seriously how do you even feel your cock when your ugly whore is screaming like that. I mean seriously to get and maintain an erection with a girlfriend like his is hard enough. But jesus fucking christ someone needs to hit this bitch.

I mean it bugged me at first. But it's started affecting my sex life badly, my guy and I would be merrily boinking when these two fuckers start nailing each other and she opens her fucking blowhorn. We try and try to keep doing it, but eventually I dry up and become a little nauseas and my guy goes soft because the image of these two doing it just.... uggghhhhh *shudders*

So now I'm not getting any sleep, I can't study in my room, and I'm not getting laid. I'm taking action this weekend. I'll take pictures for you all hahahahahhahahaa

PS comment and give me your thoughts on screaming pornstar wannabes. Am I the only one that finds this disgusting? What would you do if your bitch wouldn't stop screaming? And give me revenge suggestions PLEASE!

oh and the bitch looks like this. i shit you not.

Roommates with coke habits and drinking problems

So I havent updated in over 6 months. Here's my fullproof excuse: I just started college. And to fortify my bulletproof excuse even more: I go to University of San Francisco. For those of you fortunate enough to not understand what this entails, allow me to detail what has occured in these short 6-8 months

SEMESTER 1

1. My roommate (we'll call her Psycho) spray painted our room on our first day
2. Psycho gets us lost when she's wasted, then proceeds to have a mental breakdown in front of someone's house while pissing herself

3. I leave for Napa with a few friends. Bad move. Psycho opens my 10 year old $500 bottle of Cristal that I saved for my 18th birthday

4. Psycho's boyfriend breaks up with her. All hell breaks loose: She stops taking showers, sleeps all day, develops a friendship with Taaka vodka... alcoholism ensues, and leaves rotting food and soiled panties in room.

5. I go to Los Angeles with friends (clearly I'm stupid and can't learn from past mistakes). Room is trashed. Beer cans in my printer. MY clothes everywhere. My bed slept on... and puked on.

6. Psycho gets fingered by a gay man in our room as I was watching tv

7. Psycho stops talking to everyone but me. Oh joy.

8. Psycho develops a coke habit

9. Psycho gets a DUI and is forced into intensive outpatient rehab.

10. Psych drops out of school

Fall 2009 basically consisted of me taking care of an inebriated gigantic baby: holding a bag up to her mouth as she pukes, limiting her drug use so I can avoid spending the night in the ER, and following her on her drunk "adventures" around the haight so she doesn't get killed and raped by a cracked out washed out hippie.

Needless to say I had my hands full

So semester 2 started a couple months ago. I took that time to mentally recuperate from my 24/7 babysitting job and IM BACK. Rejoice!

My mom has multiple personality disorder.

Parents - the chains around your ankles until you've managed to a) runaway b) obtain a stable job and stable income c) die d) turn 18.

A major unreadable, unpredictable, unsolvable, hieroglyph. Allow me my whiny bitch moment for a minute or two here. My mom reminds me of a nazi sometimes, the nazis promised to be all nice and fix germany, next thing you know the germans have the holocaust and the worst inflation in history under their belts. Yup... sounds like mom. Complaining about parents will come up regularly in this blog.

Problems with parents:

1. Multiple Personality Disorder

eg) independence -
Personality #1:

"for the love of christ, you're an adult now, can you please do your homework without needing me to yell"
"clean your room!!! youre an adult now!!!"
"why can't you be more responsible? be independent for once in your life!"

Personality #2:

"YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE GOING! YOU'RE NOT AN ADULT JUST YET!"
"where are you going?... what? no! you are not going there.... no, do something age appropriate... go watch a hilary duff movie or something. you used to love lizze mcguire"
"you're not old enough to date yet."
"when you bring the boy home. sit in the living room. youre not allowed to go anywhere without supervision"
"why did you leave the house without asking me"
"why didn't you call me right away?"
"i thought the movie finished at 8. why did you stay out longer? if i find out you had sex im going to send you to a nunnery in the alps"
"what? what what are you doing watching movies like Knocked Up? trust me the penis isnt that great no need to see it. call your friends and tell them you're not watching."
"i dont care if you dont live here and youre in university! you're grounded!"

go.the.fuck.away!!!!!

for those of you who can relate to crazy asian moms -

Religion

It's the muslim fasting month all over the world my friends, and what better way to celebrate that than to discuss one of life's greatest enigmas - Religion. A contraversial and dangerous "hieroglyph" in my life. and not mention a giant pain in my ass.

Here's something to stomach:
- there are 4,200 major pantheons in the world
- christianity alone has over 34,000 denominations.
- there are approx. 3,609 gods that have been worshipped.
- there is no scientific evidence proving god exists. those that claim they do have been manipulate to sound plausible.
- all followers depend on a holy book and blind faith
- recent reports show that for each person religion reforms one person develops negative traits such as racism. (and I'm not talking about your religion, eg. christianity causes the muslims to develop racism vice versa. same applies for the jews and many pantheons out there)
- most people don't gamble because of the 0.01% of winning.
- the chance that one specific god exists is less than 0.0002%
- we discriminate, hate, ostracize, kill, because of 0.0002%


Is it me? Or does this all seem a little insignifcant? Instead of trying to impose our religion and preach to others, how about we do something more resourceful with our time? Like reducing our carbon footprint, doing AIDS work, distributing food at a redcross, volunteering at a hospital? There are 6.7 billion people. Lets stop killing each and start doing a little good. I guarantee you those 6.7 billion people exist 100%. A pretty nice statistic over the 0.0002% don't you think ;)


'Hollow Is Thy Name'

I beg thee for mercy
Though I know thou spare none
And bow before thee
With sweat on my brow

Thou promised us Kingdom,
The glory and pride,
And now we just kneel
Before thy shadow

Thy brethren thou despise
Thy sons and daughters
What did thou find here?
On this darkened throne…

With broken promise and hate
Stil You rule us
Deceiever and liar
Oh, Lord Satan…

- TheFallenLegion

the world is hieroglyphic

"as children we are repeatedly told that life is simple. it is only after we are mature and break free from the comforts of childhood that we begin to understand we were lied to. the world may as well be written in hieroglyphs." - Anon.

we all strive to be unique and different. none of us desires to be a jane or john doe, but in terms of the world and we are unable to understand the inner workings of our universe and its inhabitants. in terms of the world you and i, well we're just jane and john doe.