Girls who think theyre pornstars and fake orgasms

You guys out there who get around know what I'm talking about. That one bitch who screams and acts as if you're Lexington fucking Steele. Which is great ego booster I guess, but when she gets so loud you can't concentrate on your dick it becomes a problem.

Lets get one thing straight: I'm a girl and I like cock, not vagina. So how do I know about this? Well I get the honor of listening to the asshole that lives above me fucking his nasty little fat chola girlfriend (who's 23 and a dealer). I normally wouldn't care, I'm not like most girls, I want you to get laid and I'm happy when you do.

But gentlemen, I do not want to here your whore scream. I dont care who the fuck you are NO ONE is that good. Sorry guys =( Especially when she looks like a phillipino oompa loompa. Preserve my mental sanity please.

Here's what I go to sleep to every night and wake up to every morning:

*thump thump thump*

"OOOOOHHHH YESSSS!"

*creak creak creak*

"OH FUCK MY PUSSY HARDER YOU BAD BOY OH YES"

this continues for approximately 10 minutes (2 minute fucks and then he goes down on her.. yeah this guy is a tiny dicked stud hahahahha)

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

um what the fuck? what.the.fuck? I enjoy a little dirty talk in bed as much as the next person. But seriously how do you even feel your cock when your ugly whore is screaming like that. I mean seriously to get and maintain an erection with a girlfriend like his is hard enough. But jesus fucking christ someone needs to hit this bitch.

I mean it bugged me at first. But it's started affecting my sex life badly, my guy and I would be merrily boinking when these two fuckers start nailing each other and she opens her fucking blowhorn. We try and try to keep doing it, but eventually I dry up and become a little nauseas and my guy goes soft because the image of these two doing it just.... uggghhhhh *shudders*

So now I'm not getting any sleep, I can't study in my room, and I'm not getting laid. I'm taking action this weekend. I'll take pictures for you all hahahahahhahahaa

PS comment and give me your thoughts on screaming pornstar wannabes. Am I the only one that finds this disgusting? What would you do if your bitch wouldn't stop screaming? And give me revenge suggestions PLEASE!

oh and the bitch looks like this. i shit you not.

Roommates with coke habits and drinking problems

So I havent updated in over 6 months. Here's my fullproof excuse: I just started college. And to fortify my bulletproof excuse even more: I go to University of San Francisco. For those of you fortunate enough to not understand what this entails, allow me to detail what has occured in these short 6-8 months

SEMESTER 1

1. My roommate (we'll call her Psycho) spray painted our room on our first day
2. Psycho gets us lost when she's wasted, then proceeds to have a mental breakdown in front of someone's house while pissing herself

3. I leave for Napa with a few friends. Bad move. Psycho opens my 10 year old $500 bottle of Cristal that I saved for my 18th birthday

4. Psycho's boyfriend breaks up with her. All hell breaks loose: She stops taking showers, sleeps all day, develops a friendship with Taaka vodka... alcoholism ensues, and leaves rotting food and soiled panties in room.

5. I go to Los Angeles with friends (clearly I'm stupid and can't learn from past mistakes). Room is trashed. Beer cans in my printer. MY clothes everywhere. My bed slept on... and puked on.

6. Psycho gets fingered by a gay man in our room as I was watching tv

7. Psycho stops talking to everyone but me. Oh joy.

8. Psycho develops a coke habit

9. Psycho gets a DUI and is forced into intensive outpatient rehab.

10. Psych drops out of school

Fall 2009 basically consisted of me taking care of an inebriated gigantic baby: holding a bag up to her mouth as she pukes, limiting her drug use so I can avoid spending the night in the ER, and following her on her drunk "adventures" around the haight so she doesn't get killed and raped by a cracked out washed out hippie.

Needless to say I had my hands full

So semester 2 started a couple months ago. I took that time to mentally recuperate from my 24/7 babysitting job and IM BACK. Rejoice!